DTR

I almost daily have to ask my children what this term means or what that abbreviation stands for. It seems like with cyber space there is a new addition every day. You almost need a glossary to function in today's texting world or the world wide phenomenon known as facebook. In the last few months I have been hearing people saying things such as "Did they have the DTR yet?" and so once again I go to my kids and ask, "What in the world is a DTR?" Of course they look at me as if I belong in the stone age but they also feel obligated to bring me up to speed and so they tell me: DTR means that it is time to Define The Relationship. In my ancient day and age that usually meant someone was dating seriously and you could soon be expecting an engagement announcement. However, in today's fast moving society people are falling in and out of relationships so quickly it is almost necessary to have a secretary just to keep up on top of it all.

I think that things like facebook and texting have turned what should be taken slowly into something you can post on the internet for all to see. The minute a boy asks a girl out on a date or two, it's time to have the DTR. Then you can immediately update your status level (and this is very important in today's online public society) to the ever popular "In a Relationship" status. That brings everything to a new level and now instead of taking the time to get to know each other, either through courtship or monitored dating, we DTR'ed so now we have to function as an item which places undo pressure on the couple in a way that they are usually not ready or mature enough to handle.

If the truth be known, we are all in relationships...all the time. But it seems that young people feel a need to let everyone know that they are "In a Relationship" because it somehow makes them feel more important or good about themselves. This is sad and destructive. I have seen so many boys and girls get hurt because they had the DTR before either one of them was ready. Then they break up and look for someone else to fill that position so that their facebook page can say "In a Relationship".

If you have to post a status level then I think you should be in a LGDTR.....Letting God Define The Relationship. That means then that in every relationship God is the one steering it; therefore, you can be friends first and see where God is leading. No pressure, no public breathing down your neck, no facebook status to let everyone know if you are still an "Item" or not, no need to rush something that should take time to figure out.

I think I will let my kids know that I just coined a new acronym. Perhaps it will catch on. If it does, maybe they will ask me, "Mom, do you know what LGDTR means", and I will be happy to tell them. In fact, I hope I have been telling them what that means all along.

Warning: Culture Toxic to Boys

I recently heard a statistic that I found very alarming: 70% of young men are not grown up by 30 years of age (up from 30% in 1970) as stated in Newsweek magazine. That is frightening to me as a mother of 3 sons and 2 daughters and a confirmation of the reason why I started Keepsake Curriculum.

Every generation has its issues and I am not one to glorify "the past", but what is true for every generation is the call to get back to the Word of God as our guide for life. It is when we fall away from God's Word that we see statistics like the one above.

I am deeply disturbed that even in Christianity today we are not training our sons and daughters Biblically. It appears more and more clearly that we are using the culture as our standard. We tell our daughters to first and foremost pursue a career when the Bible says,

"You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine.....Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God" (Titus 2:1a, 3-5). Instead of using that as our guide, we encourage our daughters to seek after a career in anything and everything, including jobs that formerly were held by men...police work, lawyers, military, etc. The Bible says that the beauty of a woman is the "beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4). Pretty hard to show that as a policewoman, lawyer, or soldier.

What this departure from the Word of God has done to boys and manhood has been devastating. A recent study shows that women now receive 58% of the bachelor's degrees given by colleges and universities. The Pew Research Center reports that 28% of wives between the ages of 30 and 44 have more education than their husbands and that women have become a majority in law, medical, and doctoral programs. This has led to an alarming number of "stay-at-home dads" which not only is a deviation from history but is a direct violation of God's plan for the family.

In an article by Kevin Swanson from Generations With Vision he writes that he interviewed Dr. Christine Hoff Somers, the author of a new book called The War Against Boys, who stated that "the modern school is dangerous for boys. It is producing boys that are feminized, awkward, rebellious, or otherwise ill-prepared for life. Only 43% of students attending college today are boys, and that number continues to drop. Schools are increasingly designed for girls. Meanwhile boys are disenfranchised and disinterested. Removing a boy's unique purpose and preparation in life, setting him in a girl's world, and then putting him in competition with girls will only produce devastating consequences for our social and economic systems." Not to mention the fact that it dishonors the God who created them "male and female". (Full Article)

All this has led to a culture of immaturity among young men. Video games, entertainment, and an overemphasis on sports has made Gary Cross, a Penn State University historian wonder "Where have all the men gone?" In his book Men to Boys: The Making of Modern Immaturity Cross concludes, "Modern toys have gradually lost their 'expiration dates', the markers that designate the time that children are expected to abandon them after reaching a new developmental stage....their manufacturers design them to blur, even deny this historically essential transition from boyhood to manhood....To be blunt, adult men obsessed with video games are in a state of arrested development because they can't see the difference between a toy and an adult pleasure" (p 223-224). That is quite different from Paul's admonition to the Corinthians, "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me" (I Corinthians 13:11).

The Bible clearly portrays distinct and God-given differences between girls and boys, men and women. As usual, sinful man perverts those distinctions and leads us to discontentment and the crisises we experience today. The present culture is not only toxic to boys but to girls as well. As parents let's not be intimidated by the culture but let's be diligent to use the Word of God as our guide and thereby make a difference in the world around us.

For additional resources and guides see Keepsake Curriculum.

Loving Your Children

Sometimes we forget just how much of a blessing children are. Homeschooling, laundry, meal preparation....getting caught up in the busyness of the day, we have a tendency to depreciate our children and easily become annoyed or bothered. I was having such a day when I received the Kingdom Notes from Highlands Ministries, the ministry of Dr. R. C. Sproul, Jr. I was touched and thankful when I read it and am sharing it below.

Children, according to the Word of God, are a blessing from the hand of God (Psalm 127). That includes all children, no matter the circumstances. One of our children, who is a profound blessing also has profoundly special needs. Two of our children have come to us from troubled circumstances. In both instances there are unusual challenges. In both, however, there are unusual blessings. Shannon, my twelve year old whose abilities more closely match those of a one year old, blesses most potently in and through her disposition. Her nickname, Princess Happy is apt. Her happiness in turn is contagious. She smiles at me, and I am at peace. She laughs, and I forget my troubles.

Reilly and Donovan, who are four years and three months old respectively, bless in unusual ways as well. Reilly has an energy that is often a challenge, but is in turn a blessing. He is enthusiastic about whatever he is about. Last night, as we watched elder brother Campbell’s baseball game in near freezing temperatures, Reilly danced to music only he heard. Donovan only dances by accident- while I am dancing and holding him at the same time. He does, however, snuggle with passion. He wiggles on my shoulder, seeking to burrow his way into my neck.

In the end, however, the blessings from these children, who clearly and immediately strike strangers as “different” are very much like the blessings we receive from all of our children. Children are a blessing from the hand of God in the end less because of the lessons we learn, certainly not because of the love they bestow on us. They are blessings instead because they are the objects of our love. We are blessed because we get to love them. My daughter Darby, our first born, gave me, as her mom did before her, the Grinch experience. The day she was born my heart grew three sizes. My first born son, Campbell, proved the phenomenon did not diminish with each new child.

Delaney, God bless her, still calls me daddy, and still my heart expands. Erin Claire’s guilelessness not only evokes my love for her, but exhibits for me the child-like faith we are called to. And Maili is proof that even as I age, my heart can still grow. These are the olive plants about my table. They are God’s gift to me and my dear wife, our gift to their grandparents, uncles, aunts. They are objects of our love, drawing from us what best reflects the very image of God.

The moral then is not so obtuse. You need not break out your lexicons or your systematics texts to know what to do here. Love your children. Love them deeply. Love them faithfully. Love them without restraint or shame or fear. It will serve you well. It will serve them well. It will serve well your grandchildren. Best of all, it will make manifest the glory of the reign of Jesus Christ over all things.

This was and is a good reminder to give our God the thanks He alone deserves. Be encouraged and reminded to thank Him today for the blessings of your children.